Friendzoned -.-

Friendzoned -.-

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“She  was  a  model  of  physical  perfection.  She was  my  gift.  But  I  lost  her  to  other  things…”  his  words  drifted  off  as  the  rain  began  to  fall.  He  then  turned  to  look  at  me;  I  was  not  bothered  the  slightest  by  the  downpour  and  from  the  corner  of  my  eye,  I  saw  him  smile.

“I  didn’t  like  her.”

“I  don’t  care.”

“You  deserve  someone  who’ll  look  at  you  the  way  I  look  at  food.”

“Now  that’s  impossible.”  he  nudged  me  and  laughed,  “your  love  for  food  is  literally  unattainable.”

What  he  didn’t  know  was  that  I  looked   at  him  in  a  way  no  one  else  would.  His  disgusting,  two-faced  self  had  my  attention  and  I  wanted  more  than  he  had  to  offer.  Many  advised  me  to  tell  him  but  the  reality  of  rejection  was  too  harsh  and  I  never  connected  with  the  concept  of  it.

I  was  slowly  seeping  into  my  subconscious  when  he  spoke.

“I  think  about  one  girl  in  particular,”  he  said,  hoping  to  provoke  a  reaction, “but  she’s  a  bore.”

“Then  she’s  not  for  us.”  I  said  flatly,  eyeing  him  closely  and  he  laughed.  I  watched  as  he  clutched  at  his  wet  shirt  and  shook  his  head.  I  giggled.  Being  in  the  state  we  were  in,  slightly  intoxicated,  our  laughter  was  uncontrollable  now.  We  were  hysterical.

The  rain  intensified  and  none  of  us  seemed  moved  by  it.  I  picked  up  the  bottle  of  cheap  vodka.  Unscrewing  the  cup  off,  I  lifted  the  bottle  to  my  lips  and  took  two  gulps  of  the  drink,  wincing   as  my  throat  burned.  I  kept  drinking  from  the  bottle  until  my  mind  turned  into  an  incoherent  wreck  and  my  rationality  was  basically  nonexistent.  I  felt  detached  from  reality  and  turned  to  Mike.  He  was  sleepy,  docile  and  high.  I  debated  for  what  felt  like  an  eternity  on  whether  I  should  tell  him  what  I  actually  felt  or  just  let  it  go.  Then  his  eyes  met  mine  and  he  parted  his  lips.

“Diane,  would  you  date  me?”  I  had  only  half  a  second  to  panic  and  my  eyes  widened.  In  my  drunken  state,  I  heard  what  I  wanted  to  hear  and   not  what  he  asked.

“I  mean,  would  you  date  someone  like  me?”  he  rephrased.

“Oh  thank  God!  I  thought  you  were  actually  asking  me  out!”  I  fake  laughed,  disappointed  and  angry.

“I  wouldn’t!”  He  joined  in  with  my  laughter.

“I  would.”

He  smiled  and  fist  bumped  me  then  pulled  me  in  for  a  hug.  I  felt  entirely  disoriented  by  the  feeling  of  being  so  close  to  the  kind  of  guy  I  wanted  to  be  so  close  to.  I  pushed  him  away  playfully  and  laughed.  Slowly,  he  reached  into  his  pocket,  pulled  out  his  phone  and  I  did  the  same.  I  unlocked  the  screen  and  scrolled  through  my  messages  then  looked  at  the  time.  20:34.  My  thumb  moved  to  the  home  button   and  I  switched  it  off  and  turned  to  look  at  him.  His  eyes  were  glued  to  his  phone’s  screen.

“I  have  this  gut  feeling  that  I’m  going  to  be  alone for  a  long,  long  time.”  He  spoke  in  a  trance  and  I  tried  not  to  breathe,  afraid  to  distract  him.  “This  is  the  first  girl  I  genuinely  liked,  if  not  loved.  But  things  didn’t  go  so  well  for  the  both  of  us.”  I  drank  from  the  bottle  again,  saddened  and  bitter  that  he  wouldn’t  notice  what  I  felt  for  him.  “It’s  something  I  have  come  to  terms  with.  Now  all  I  have  to  do  is  learn  to  assume  the  worst.”

“Look  around  you,”  I  hinted,  “th…th…there’s  probably  someone  who  reeeaally  cares  for  you…a..and  wants  to  be  with  you.”  My  speech  was  slurred  and  at  this  point,  my  eyes  were  bleary  and  unfixed,  attempting  to  seek  out  his.

“You’re  really  drunk.”  He  commented.

“You  don’t  say…”  my  statement  heavily  wreaked  of  sarcasm  just  as  my  breath  wreaked  of  the  spirit.

“Thanks  for  being  my  best  friend.”  He  said  and  turned  away,  looking  into  the  distance.  I  let  my  eyes  fall  on  whatever  he  was  looking  at  and  nodded.

After  what  he  had  said  to  me,  a  single  thought  haunted  me,  that  maybe…  just  maybe,  he  might  have  been  the  lonely  one  all  along.

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